Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Such a big mess for such a small penis
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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