Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize