Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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