I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
