the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
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Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
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Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head