my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice