the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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