Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.