You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
