OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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