I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I have fence marks all over my body
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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