Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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