I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize