Please, let me fuck your mom
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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