I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
