3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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