the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
