Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
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Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
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He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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