just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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