he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
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We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
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I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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