dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize