after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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