I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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