She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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