Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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