we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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