look no pants
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
