i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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