32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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