So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
