I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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