So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
