There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
