I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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