im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
