you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
