Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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