So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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