I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
