Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
