Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
