You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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