So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
