I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
