i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
