It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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