On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
