a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
