Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
