god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
