when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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