You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
