he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
