Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You work out of a Hotel?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
