He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
