It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
