I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
