I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
