Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
