if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
