I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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