Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
