At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
