Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
