I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
