I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
